


first names

by beaboke



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Developing Friendships, F/M, Fluff, Friends to Lovers, Friendship/Love, Love Triangles
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-22
Updated: 2021-03-11
Packaged: 2021-03-12 23:02:08
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 8,081
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29642043
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/beaboke/pseuds/beaboke
Summary: You use Akaashi's first name for the first time and he can't get enough of it. Should he feel guilty that he's on a first-name basis with you while his best friend, who also has feelings for you, isn't?
Relationships: Akaashi Keiji/Reader, Bokuto Koutarou/Reader
Comments: 8
Kudos: 50





	1. first names

**Author's Note:**

> yeah this definitely doesn't feel finished and I'm not sure if I want to add to it or not and like.. expand on this love triangle kjbkfhjbff oh well, enjoy!

“Oh come on, you have to have an opinion. I’m dying to know the inner workings of Akaashi Keiji’s mind.” You closed your eyes and lay your head back, surrendering yourself to the sunlight. 

If you weren’t in a public space, he was sure you would’ve heard the way his heart abruptly stopped at the sound of his first name. In this moment he also thanked whatever higher power was up there that you didn’t catch the pink dust on his cheeks, nor the way he briefly choked on the water he was drinking. 

In the midst of collecting himself, he almost missed the way you glowed in the light. _Really?_ He thought. _Who fucking looks like that?_

You nudged his knee and softly said, “Tell meeeee.”

He kept his voice as steady as possible as he took you in and came up with a response. He knew this was the one chance he’d get to use your first name too.

“What about you? Enlighten me with your intricate inner thoughts, L/N F/N.” Your name tasted sweet in his mouth and he savored it. He hoped he’d be able to say it again, soon. 

The two of you were sitting on a bench in an outlet mall waiting for Bokuto to finish up in the Adidas store. You were currently discussing whether the chicken or the egg came first after overhearing a group of teens arguing over it as they passed by. 

Your eyes opened briefly to glance at him, smiling at the sound of your first name. 

“You can call me F/N, if you like,” you said quietly, closing your eyes again and trying to sound as nonchalant as possible. Akaashi, again, thanked any higher power who was listening that your eyes were closed again. He couldn’t hide the stupid grin on his face this time.

“Okay, F/N, why do you think the chicken came first?” He joined you in closing his eyes and leaning back on the bench as well. He moved closer, your shoulders now touching. 

“Call me Keiji,” he quietly added. 

As much as he was enjoying this little banter, he couldn’t help but feel a bit guilty. His best friend, who he knew had feelings for you, still called you by your last name -- still using honorifics as well.

Was it wrong for him to be talking to you like this? I mean he wasn’t straightforwardly flirting.. yet. And wasn’t Bokuto checking out a girl in the cafeteria earlier anyway? He decided he would deal with it later, diverting all his attention to the sound of your voice again.

“ _Because_ , Keiji. Where else would the eggs come from?!”

There it was again. If you said his first name one more time he swore he was going to--

“Keiji, think about it! The theory of evolution states that all species are descendants of a single ancestor and that all species have simply gradually evolved over time. You’re telling me we all came from an EGG?” You were now sitting up facing him, with your hand on his right bicep (though, you ignored how nice it felt). 

He threw his head back laughing and placed his left hand over the hand you had on his arm. The passion in your words over something so random was too precious. He squeezed your hand and said, “I literally haven’t argued, nor disagreed with you yet this entire time!”

“Then tell me you agree with me!” 

You shook him, your hand still under his. You liked this playful side of him, he was normally so reserved. 

Akaashi stared at you, contemplating if he wanted to give you the satisfaction of agreeing with you or if he wanted to watch you “argue” with him some more. To your dismay, he chose the latter. He couldn’t deny how much he enjoyed watching you squirm. 

“Hm.. but how credible are your sources, F/N?” He squeezed your hand once more.

At this, you let go of his hand and smacked his arm. Already missing your hand in his, he laughed and reached for it again saying, “Okay! Okay okay okay, I believe you!”

“ _Thank_ you,” you ignored the way his hand held yours tightly again, resting on your knee. Akaashi was still leaning his head back on the bench, closing his eyes once more. You stayed facing him, leaning your left arm on the back of the bench with your head resting on your left hand. 

A brief comfortable silence filled the air as you watched people filter in and out of the stores around you. At this point you two were carelessly playing with each other’s hands, randomly interlocking your fingers together and sliding your palms against one another. You wondered what the two of you looked like to strangers passing by. Although this closeness was brand new to the both of you, it somehow felt so natural -- as if this was how it has always been, as if this was how it was always supposed to be. 

“I just wanted to see how far I could push you into telling me more random facts about evolution,” he teased again. You rolled your eyes and flicked his hand repeatedly, only for him to interlock your fingers completely. 

You both secretly hoped Bokuto was taking his sweet time shopping.

You gazed at him, realizing how close you actually were to his face. Your head hovering not too far over his. As if he sensed it at the same time, his eyes opened to meet yours. 

“You have really pretty eyes, Keiji.” 

“I like yours better.” His eyes betrayed him, briefly glancing at your lips. He really tried not to but he couldn’t help himself. He still couldn’t process how close you were.

You blushed at this, turning away from him and focusing on your hand in his instead. Akaashi gazed at you, wondering how much longer he had before the two of you would have to separate and act normally when his best friend came back. He knew was getting greedy. He hated how badly he wanted to kiss you and knew he had to talk to Bokuto soon. 

But, for now, all he could do was savor the feel of your hand in his and the sweet sound of his first name in your mouth. He wondered what other arguments he could pull you into for fun.

When Bokuto finished his shopping, the three of you decided to call it a day. Before leaving, Bokuto sat on the other side of you showing you the things he bought, too excited to notice you and Akaashi letting go of each other's hands. However, with your back now turned to Akaashi, Bokuto also failed to see the way Akaashi's fingers discreetly and slowly traced random letters onto your back. If you were paying attention, you'd have noticed that he was spelling out your first names. He didn't know where this boldness was coming from, he just knew he didn't want to stop touching you. 

In the car ride home, you sat in the passenger seat next to Bokuto, with Akaashi behind Bokuto. 

“Is water wet?” Akaashi asked out of the blue, eyeing you in anticipation. You gave him the exact reaction he was looking for as you twisted your body to face him. You narrowed your eyes at him as Bokuto answered.

“Of course it is!”

Akaashi stifled a laugh, somehow already knowing your answer. 

“No, it is not.” You looked at Bokuto as you said this and then turned to Akaashi again, glaring at him playfully.

“How?!” Bokuto asked, confusion written all over his face at the random topic of conversation.

“Yeah, F/N, how?” Akaashi egged you on. 

“Akaashi! You agree with me r--” Bokuto started and stopped himself upon realizing that Akaashi used your first name. Before he could fully process it, you interrupted him.

“Keiji, if you agree with him I swear to god.” You responded, completely oblivious to the new tension in the air.

Akaashi began to laugh until he noticed Bokuto’s face through the rearview mirror. He was clearly taken aback by the sudden use of first names. He didn’t even call Akaashi by his first name, but that was only a personal preference. Still, since when were the two of you on a first-name basis? And where was this banter coming from? Did he miss something?

 _Keiji?_ Bokuto silently mouthed to himself.

Akaashi shut his eyes, realizing his mistake.

 _Shit._ He had some explaining to do.


	2. safekeeping

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bokuto and Akaashi talk about you on the car ride home.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I decided to continue this! yay! I am planning on adding more, but I can't promise how soon I'll get to writing it. please be patient with me <3

The rest of the car ride consisted of you speaking a majority of the time while the other two listened, though you just assumed it was due to the long day of shopping. As the car stopped in front of your apartment, you reached over your seat to hug Bokuto goodbye and ruffled a hand in his hair. You and Akaashi stepped out of the car as you gathered your shopping bags.

“Do you need any help?” Akaashi asked. 

“Nah they’re actually really light, but thank you!” You hugged him too. Akaashi took his seat and shut the door as Bokuto rolled down Akaashi’s window. 

“Bye Bo!” Bokuto smiled at the nickname you gave him.

“Bye Keiji,” your gaze lingered a second longer on Akaashi as you put a knuckle out, waiting for him to return the punch. It was your subtle, yet innocent way of acknowledging the newfound closeness between the two of you. 

Akaashi slightly winced at his first name, choosing not to look at Bokuto’s expression this time. The two of them waved as they waited for you to get into the building before driving off. 

Thankfully, Bokuto spoke up before an awkward silence could take over. Bokuto has always been very open about his emotions, which Akaashi was particularly thankful for at this moment.

“So… _Keiji_ , huh?”

“Yeah, about that.” Akaashi was ready to tell his best friend everything until Bokuto continued talking. 

“I’m not gonna lie, it felt like a slap in the face,” he nervously laughed, “It came out of nowhere! I don’t even call you that!” Bokuto’s seemingly lighthearted demeanor put Akaashi on edge because for once, he couldn’t tell if it was a front or not. But Akaashi genuinely chuckled anyway, remembering how it began in the first place. All he had to do was be honest.

“It started out as a joke. We were arguing —well, she was arguing— about whether or not the chicken or the egg came fir—“

“The chicken.” Bokuto stated matter-of-factly. Akaashi laughed at this.

“..Yup. She made that very clear.” 

“The theory of evolution, right?” Bokuto grinned at this memory while Akaashi’s smile faltered.

 _Oh._

“Uh, yeah,” a nervous chuckle escaped Akaashi’s lips. It was his turn to feel a slap in the face. 

Bokuto didn’t mean to hurt Akaashi by revealing that he already had a similar conversation with you. And it shouldn’t be that surprising, Bokuto knew you first.

So, why did Akaashi feel a bit hollow all of a sudden? It was a feeling similar to growing attached to a stray puppy, only to find out that its owners were looking for it. Or also kind of like when someone sends you a Spotify playlist titled, “for you” only to find that it already has 7 followers. Whatever it was, it was unpleasant.

He also couldn’t settle on an emotion. Was he sad? Jealous? Did he somehow feel played, even though he’s sure that wasn’t your intention? If Bokuto noticed the change in his expression, he didn’t acknowledge it.

“We learned about that in our bio class last year. The chicken or egg debate got her pretty heated and for some reason, I found that so attractive,” Bokuto shook his head and laughed. “I then learned that she wasn’t even a science major! That was probably the best part.” 

This memory was enough to convert Bokuto back to his normal self, temporarily forgetting about the use of first names. Akaashi, on the other hand, felt the tension thicken internally. 

He stayed silent, only politely chuckling here and there, wanting nothing more than for Bokuto to stop elaborating on his feelings for you. 

“I don’t think I ever told you, but she used to scare me! She was so smart— _is_ so smart. And, don’t get me wrong, she’s beautiful, but after hearing the way she spoke? That’s what really got me, dude.” He shook his head in disbelief at how smitten he was. “I was actually annoyed that the professor made us change the subject because I could’ve listened to her all day.” 

At this point, Bokuto was too caught up in the memory of you to notice Akaashi’s discomfort. This was the most he has heard of his best friend’s feelings. Before today, all he knew was that Bokuto had taken an interest in you and enjoyed your company. Yes, Bokuto talked about you occasionally, but Bokuto also had a lot of crushes, so Akaashi rarely took his friend’s pining seriously.

He continued, “You know, I think I’d _pay_ to listen to her talk about the different species of.. I don’t know.. Grass.” Akaashi snickered at this. “I don’t know, I’ve never met anyone like her man.” 

This time Akaashi sighed and responded honestly, “I can say the same. She’s funny.” Bokuto laughed and agreed. 

Hearing Bokuto confess that all he wanted to do was listen to someone speak was new, seeing as he was usually the most talkative one in any room.

“Why haven’t you confessed to her?” Akaashi finally asked, not entirely sure if he wanted to know the answer. Bokuto thought about this for a bit. His best friend had a point, he normally had no issue going after whoever he took interest in. 

Bokuto thought back to the memory of hearing you speak in class -- the way your voice refused to waver and the way you stood your ground over something so silly. He remembered you glancing at him, waiting for him to chime in like he normally would. Any other day, he would’ve joined the conversation, but for the first time, he found himself incapable of forming a coherent sentence. 

“Because for the first time I’m actually scared to be rejected,” Bokuto admitted. 

This sheer honesty only made Akaashi feel worse -- the two of them growing more fond of you by the minute. Relief washed through him as Bokuto answered a phone call, not giving Akaashi the chance to respond. 

Well.. _shit_.

What was Akaashi supposed to tell him now? He didn’t even know if he, himself, genuinely liked you yet, did he? Though it wouldn't be that shocking if it turned out that he did, he decided he needed more time to sort through his own feelings. Maybe he simply felt comfortable with you and it was nothing more. Maybe.

He closed his eyes and ignored the sweet aftertaste of your first name lingering in his mouth, and the way that nothing has felt more natural than your hand in his. He shook the memory of his fingers tracing his name onto your back and the way you tried not to melt into his touch. He attempted to shut down the desire to hold you in any way you would let him and mentally discarded the image of you glowing in the sun the first time you used his given name. He especially tried to forget how he was so sure that whatever higher power designed the sun probably used you for reference.

Akaashi shoved all of this information far away into an imaginary filing cabinet in his head. 

You know, just for safekeeping.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> yes I purposely made it so that it would be hard for you all to pick a side because I honestly don't even know who I'd want to end up with kbfkjflkjf


	3. confession #1

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> how did you meet akaashi keiji in the first place?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this is the longest one so far, thank you all for waiting! I already started working on the last part. enjoy :-)

_“Don’t go breakin’ my heart!”_

_“I couldn’t if I tried!”_

Akaashi sat in the backseat again, listening as you and Bokuto sang along to the hit 70’s song. He’d be lying if he said he wasn’t envious of the scene unfolding in front of him. The water bottle being used as a microphone moved back and forth between you and Bokuto as you sang the duet. 

It was times like these Akaashi wished he was as extroverted as his best friend. Akaashi had no problems holding conversations, but he was rarely the one to initiate them (though you had become an exception). Bokuto, on the other hand, was an expert at both. Your laughter as you struggled to remember the words was the actual music to his ears, though he hated that he wished he was the reason for your burst of joy instead.

The three of you were on your way to celebrate their friend’s birthday. This was going to be your first time hanging out with their group of friends, not knowing anything about them besides the fact that they all played volleyball together in high school. After seeing how well you and Akaashi got along, it wasn’t long until Bokuto wanted you to meet his other friends. He knew they’d like you just as much as he did.

However, unbeknownst to Akaashi, Bokuto had recently begun to catch on to the lingering glances and flirty banter. He, too, found himself wishing he was more like his best friend -- more witty and well-spoken. He took notice of the way you talked to Akaashi in contrast to the way you talked to him. The difference wasn’t in your words, but more in your demeanor. Granted, most people spoke to him and his best friend differently and it was usually due to their differing personalities, but he grew wary anyway. He watched the way Akaashi’s eyes softened whenever you spoke or widened whenever your name was mentioned. He thought back to last week when Akaashi _let_ you give him a full-on manicure. No matter how ridiculous the request, his best friend seemed incapable of saying no to you.

Bokuto kept these suspicions to himself, in hopes of them being nothing more than a product of his overthinking.

You, on the other hand, thoroughly enjoyed their contrasting personalities. The introvert and extrovert duo was the perfect balance of energy. You, yourself, being a combination of both, ended up being just the right fit for the pair -- which is exactly why you tried your hardest to avoid thinking about either of them romantically (keyword: _tried_ ). 

From the beginning, you were aware of Bokuto’s little crush on you. He asked you to hang out outside of class one day and you didn’t see the harm in doing so. He was funny and attractive, why not? As you got to know him, you learned that there was much more depth to him than you initially thought. You truly enjoyed his company because not only did he always know how to lighten your mood, but he was also a wonderful listener. If you had ever met a person that was sunlight personified, it was him.

Unlike many other guys you had befriended in the past, it never felt like Bokuto had an ulterior motive in spending time with you. Sure, he flirted with you here and there, but his words and his actions always felt genuine. You knew that whatever happened between the two of you, he would always be your friend first. 

To your surprise, he never actually asked you out on a proper date. You would’ve said yes if he did, seeing as the two of you got along so well. You assumed that he never did because, upon getting to know you, he probably realized that he only wanted to be friends. Although, there were always small moments throughout your relationship where you couldn’t tell if he had romantic feelings or if he was simply comfortable with you. Cherishing the friendship too much to jeopardize it, you shoved these moments to the side, leaving it up to the universe to decide.

Then, you met Akaashi Keiji, Bokuto’s best friend. The first time you met was on the quiet floor of the school library. 

* * *

The library was a bit more crowded than usual as it was finals week. You sat at a table in the middle of the room, finishing up a paper for your biology class. Just as you hit submit, your phone lit up with a text from Bokuto asking if he could return the calculator he borrowed.

Akaashi just happened to be accompanying Bokuto at the time. His best friend had been telling him about you, exclaiming that you’d get along well. They made their way up the stairs and Bokuto excitedly pointed at you. 

And then, to your horror, Bokuto, never having been on the quiet floor of the library until that day, yelled your name. You whipped your head to the sudden disturbance and frantically put a finger to your mouth, signaling him to be quiet. Every pair of eyes turned to the two assholes standing at the stairs. Akaashi‘s eyes widened as he shoved his best friend’s arm and pointed to the sign labeled, _4TH FLOOR: QUIET FLOOR. NO TALKING._ Bokuto held his arm in pain before reading the sign. 

“Oh shit,” he froze and whispered. He looked up at you to see you shaking your head, your right hand covering your mouth as you attempted to laugh as quietly as possible. Bokuto spewed out apologies to the students around him, only to be shushed again by a librarian. At this, a loud snicker escaped you, causing the librarian to give you the same pointed look. 

When Akaashi’s eyes met yours, it was his turn to hold back a smile. As irritated as he was with his best friend for putting him in the spotlight, your amusement eased his discomfort. 

“Since when was there a quiet floor?!” Bokuto whisper-yelled as the two of them approached your table. You smacked his arm and scolded him in a whisper, “Since always! I never bring you up here because I know you would hate it.” Akaashi stifled a laugh, he also never brought Bokuto to the fourth floor for the same reason.

“Did you know we had a quiet floor?” He turned to his best friend.

“Yes, but I’m not that surprised this is your first time here.” You giggled at his friend’s bluntness.

“Akaa-!” Bokuto’s whisper yelling was getting too loud, and the librarian finally asked the three of you to leave. 

“I can never show my face on the fourth floor again,” Akaashi stated, the three of you now outside walking towards the parking garage. You finally let out your laughter at this and as the sweet sound rang through his ears, Akaashi decided that everyone on the fourth floor was missing out.

“This is your fault for not telling me!” Bokuto pouted and pointed an accusing finger at Akaashi. Despite your laughter, you did feel a little bad for Bokuto as it must have been especially embarrassing for him. Akaashi, on the other hand, refused to pity his best friend as he was used to his antics. He was honestly surprised at how embarrassed Bokuto actually was; he normally wouldn’t have cared that much. This was his first hint, in terms of Bokuto’s feelings for you.

“Hey, she didn’t tell you either,” Akaashi gestured towards you, realizing he still didn’t know your name. 

“Wow! We just met and you’re already reprimanding me!” You gasped incredulously. 

Akaashi snickered, “If I’m going down then you’re going down with me.” 

You raised an eyebrow at this as if it was a challenge.

“You know what, fine. We’ll _share_ the blame.” You hooked your right arm around Bokuto’s left.

“Come on, Bo. Me and.. _your friend_ here are going to treat you to dinner tonight,” you turned to your left, winking at your challenger. Akaashi scoffed and shook his head in disbelief as you offered to treat his best friend on his behalf. 

“Oooh, I have been craving a milkshake,” Bokuto beamed, “The diner down the street has these two new flavors I’ve been wanting to try!”

“It’s your lucky night because you’ll get to try _both_ , thanks to me and your _very_ _kind friend!_ ” your voice sounding extra animated, only to tease further. 

You turned to look at Bokuto's friend, your eyebrows raised waiting for a response. He stared you down, pressing his tongue to the side of his cheek trying his hardest not to smile and clearly failing to hide his amusement. 

“It’s Akaashi, by the way. Akaashi Keiji,” he took the opportunity to formally introduce himself as he noticed that you only referred to him as Bokuto’s “friend.” The smirk on his face did not falter as he held his hand out to shake yours and you knew you were already taking a liking to him.

“L/N, F/N. It’s a pleasure doing business with you,” you returned the gesture, your hands lingering for a split second before the beeping noise of Bokuto unlocking his car startled you both.

That night in the diner, though remained unspoken, there was something in the air that felt as if some part in the universe had suddenly shifted into place.

* * *

This memory had a special place in your heart as well as Akaashi’s. 

As Akaashi watched you completely butcher the lyrics to the song, he knew that wanting your attention in this moment was greedy of him. In the several weeks that followed the mall outing, he shared a handful of small intimate moments with you -- your locked pinkies as you made him promise to not watch another episode of _Jujutsu Kaisen_ without you, your head on his shoulder on the quiet floor of the library as you struggled to understand an assignment, his hand rubbing your ankles as you propped your legs up onto the chair next to him at a cafe, your knees purposely knocking into each other during movie night. 

After spending more time with you, Akaashi was forced to admit his feelings to himself. He didn’t like you a lot -- no, he liked you _too much_ for his own good. As his feelings intensified, so did his guilt.

The car came to a stop and Bokuto stepped out to figure out which building the party was in as he phoned a friend. You turned to face Akaashi in the back, smiling and reaching for your heels. _Really?_ He thought. _How does one manage to glow at night?_

The two of you hopped out of the car, but not without you tripping on the curb. 

Akaashi swiftly stepped forward to catch you as you gripped onto his shoulders and he steadied you under your elbows. You let out a breathy laugh as you thanked him, still eyeing the curb and mentally cursing it. You lifted your eyes to meet his, both of you immediately noting the proximity of your ~~lips~~ faces. 

Time slowed as Akaashi watched your parted lips attempt to apologize, though nothing came out. Completely dazed, neither of you made a move to increase the distance between the two of you. 

“OI!!!!!” A man with a messy black head of hair yelled from a balcony two stories above. 

You snapped out of the trance and pulled away from Akaashi. Bokuto seemed too busy yelling back at his friend to catch the moment. 

As the three of you waited at the door to be let in, you and Akaashi stayed silent as Bokuto complained about how their friend was taking too long. Akaashi glanced at you and then quickly dropped his gaze to the ground before your eyes could meet his.

The mere thought of your lips on his drove him mad. _This was bad._

After the longest two minutes of both of your lives, the same man from the balcony opened the door.

“You must be L/N! I’m Kuroo! I’ve heard a lot about you!” Kuroo wiggled his eyebrows at Bokuto as he held the door to let you all in. For some reason, that is all it took to push Akaashi over the edge.

“You have? Only good things I hope,” You laughed, making your way inside. Kuroo began to make small talk, asking about school and such.

Not processing anything, Akaashi’s body reacted faster than his brain for the first time. 

“Bokuto, wait.” Akaashi grabbed his best friend’s arm before they could step into the complex. 

_Oh god._

Bokuto stopped and nodded at Kuroo, letting him know they would follow. He turned back to his best friend, eyebrows furrowed in concern.

“Wh--”

“I have feelings for L/N.”

There it was. It rushed out of him like word vomit, his mouth betraying his brain. The long-awaited confession. But nothing could have prepared Akaashi for his best friend’s response. Bokuto’s facial expressions relaxed as he let out a heavy exhale.

“I know.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> alright the majority of this chapter ended up basically being a flashback and I delved more into y/n’s thoughts and feelings which was fun to write! I'm sorry if this is a bit all over the place. I’m hoping to finish this in one more part, but I don’t want it to feel rushed. so, again, please be patient with me!


	4. the in-between

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> What is the difference between the process of falling in love versus actually being in love?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this is very long but it’s definitely my favorite chapter of all four :’) thank you for your patience! I had a lot of fun writing this and ngl I gave myself some butterflies.. Kjgfhbk ANYWAY! the flashback is a week before kuroo’s birthday party! after the flashback, the story resumes to akaashi and bokuto outside of kuroo’s apartment where the last chapter left off. I **HIGHLY** recommend listening to the songs mentioned while reading because it’ll really help you visualize the tone and mood of the story <3 enjoy!
> 
> songs:  
> can’t help falling in love (cover) - kina grannis  
> crazy for you - madonna

**_flashback - a week ago_ **

Kina Grannis’s cover of _Can’t Help Falling In Love_ played from Bokuto’s speakers as your eyes were glued to the screen. You’ve watched the wedding scene in the movie _Crazy Rich Asians_ a million times, but it never failed to put stars in your eyes. Nick and Rachel gazed at each other, despite an entire wedding unfolding in front of them as if they were falling in love for the first time all over again. You were in awe of how the film captured the feeling of falling in love so flawlessly, without a single word being spoken.

Your eyes watered as Bokuto silently chuckled to himself. You came over for a movie night, but it seemed that Bokuto was watching you watch the movie instead. Akaashi was out of town to see family for a couple of days, so it was just the two of you for the night. 

Bokuto found his own eyes watering as well, but not because of the movie. You looked over at him from the other end of the couch and he quickly turned back to the TV. 

“Wait are you also crying?” You sniffled. Bokuto threw a pillow at you and scoffed, “..No.”

“What?! I’m just asking! I’m not judging,” your giggle turned into a sigh. “It’s magical.” 

He smiled at the small pout on your face.

“Yeah,” he agreed. _Magical._

Eventually, the end credits rolled and you both scrolled on your phones for a bit, your head laying on one arm of the couch and his head on the other.

“Have you ever been in love?” You lay your phone on your chest and stared at the ceiling. 

“Hm.. I actually don’t know,” Bokuto scrunched his eyebrows slightly, “I think I’ve been close to it though.” He peeked over his phone at you. The television screen was now black, the moonlight being the only source of light in the room. You seemed to be deep in thought, hair disheveled from laying down for two hours, and lips slightly swollen from crying because of the movie. Beautiful was an understatement. Bokuto put his phone down to fully look at you, pure adoration and a hint of sadness in his eyes.

“Do you think there’s a difference between falling in love and being in love?” You asked.

“I guess falling in love is when you believe you could eventually be in love with someone.”

“That’s a pretty way to put it,” you hummed in agreement.

“I wonder how long that ‘in-between’ time is, then,” you added, “like, if you think of it as a spectrum--beginning to fall in love on one side and then actually being in love on the opposite end. There’s that ‘in-between’ kind of grey area.” Bokuto watched in amusement as you talked with your hands. 

Little did you know that that was where Bokuto currently was--the in-between of falling in love and being in love. _With you_. Bokuto smiled sadly upon realizing this. He was struggling not to cross that grey area, knowing it would only hurt him if he did. He couldn’t reach that far end of the spectrum, as it was currently reserved for his best friend.

At this point, Bokuto was well aware of his closest friends’ budding feelings for one another. It was in the way Akaashi looked at you when you weren’t paying attention. It was in your doe eyes every time you used Akaashi’s first name. 

Bokuto had refused to confront his best friend for weeks now, convincing himself that if he ignored it long enough, it would go away and his premonitions wouldn’t be true. He also wasn’t ready to let go of his feelings for you, wanting to relish in them, without reserve, just a little longer. He was being selfish, not wanting something that felt so beautiful and pure to end just yet--even if it was unrequited.

However, despite everything, he found comfort in his feelings for you whether you reciprocated them or not. The feelings he had for you were so special, and most importantly, _they were his alone_. No one could take them away from him--not you, not Akaashi. 

Until he met you, he had never known what it was like to feel so strongly for anyone. He had never experienced caring for someone so unconditionally and so purely. It felt like magic. 

Magic. That was the only word that did you justice. 

Bokuto was never going to forget these feelings and this was both a blessing and a curse. 

“Bo?” you pulled him out of his thoughts.

“Hm?”

“I think I’m in that in-between right now.” 

You didn’t elaborate, but you didn’t have to. Bokuto’s breath hitched. He closed his eyes and took a deep breath. This was it. At the end of this conversation, it was time for him to let you go.

 _Thank you,_ he thought. _Thank you for the magic._

“I think he might be too.”

 **_end flashback_ ** ****

* * *

“I know.”

Akasshi opened his mouth to speak, but nothing came out. How long has Bokuto known? Was it that obvious? Has Bokuto been silently resenting him all this time? If Bokuto knew, did you know too? 

The two of them were now sitting on the steps of the building’s stairway with murmurs of the party on the other side of the door filling the silence. Bokuto’s head hung low as he contemplated what to say next. 

“I’m sorry. I.. I won’t do anything about it if you don’t want me to,” Akaashi broke the silence. 

Bokuto only shook his head at this, not saying a word. For the first time, Akaashi couldn’t read his best friend’s expression. Why did he look so defeated?

“I’d be a pretty shitty friend if I got in your way,” Bokuto finally spoke up.

“What? No, you knew her first. You have every righ--”

“I know I do,” Bokuto slightly smirked and nudged his best friend, “but she doesn’t look at me the way she looks at you.” Bokuto wasn’t angry. He almost seemed relieved, but Akaashi couldn’t pinpoint why.

Akaashi’s lips parted but was rendered speechless again. _Was that true?_ He wanted to hope it was, but the guilt was eating him alive at this point. Truly nothing could have prepared him for this conversation. 

“I’m not gonna lie, dude,” Bokuto let out a shaky sigh, “I want to be mad at you.”

Akaashi sighed and apologized again. He didn’t know what else to say. 

“But that wouldn’t be fair. You can’t help how you feel and neither can she,” he shrugged.

“But I don’t even know if she likes me.” 

Bokuto scoffed at this. 

“Akaashi, I know I can be dense and a bit of an airhead sometimes, but even I can see it.” He snorted at his best friend’s obliviousness. 

“You know, she asked me if you were single after you first met,” he quietly added with hesitancy in his voice.

“She did?”

“Yeah. At the time.. I convinced myself that I didn’t have to tell you because I assumed you didn’t care, but I was just being selfish,” Bokuto admitted.

“I don’t blame you. That’s fair,” Akaashi shrugged. The air around them seemed to feel less suffocating.

“I know you don’t want to hear it, but I’m really sorry. I mean it,” Akaashi added.

“Don’t be. You would have done the same for me,” Bokuto said sincerely. Akaashi didn’t have to say anything more, they both knew this was true. 

Both of their phones chimed at once, receiving texts from you.

**Y/N: where did you both go? I need a partner for pong :p**

**Y/N: wait who is even DD tonight**

“Speak of the devil,” Bokuto joked. Akaashi stared at the screen a second longer.

“..Are you sure?” Akaashi asked for confirmation once more.

“Yeah man, I’ll get over it,” Bokuto forced a smile, “Now go find her before I change my mind.” He playfully punched his friend’s arm, though there was an edge to his voice.

“My only request is that you don’t do anything in front of me,” Bokuto added, scratching the back of his neck and avoiding eye contact.

“Of course not, I’m not a dick,” Akaashi scoffed, a bit offended at the request. Bokuto snorted at this.

“Debatable.”

The rest of the night was enjoyable, though Akaashi ended up not making a move, not wanting to take advantage of you while intoxicated. However, he’d be lying if he said he didn’t secretly enjoy how extra touchy you were, especially when you would discreetly yet casually reach for his hand every ten minutes.

But there was a specific moment of that night the two of you would ingrain into your minds. 

A random girl stood at the front of the room, microphone in hand, as the opening lyrics to Madonna’s _Crazy For You_ ran across the screen. This was your favorite karaoke song as a child, Akaashi knew this. He watched you from across the room and chuckled at the way your eyes widened and your tired figure suddenly sat up on the couch as you recognized the song. You caught his stare and rolled your eyes at his teasing, a slight blush on your face forming as you realized he was watching you.

 _I love this song,_ you mouthed. He smiled.

 _I know,_ he mouthed back. You smiled.

As the 80's hit played, you and a handful of other people sang along. Akaashi watched in amusement as you soulfully sang the lyrics with the girl next to you. Every now and then you would lock eyes with him and playfully point, singing the words as if they were directed at him.

_I see you through the smokey air_

_Can’t you feel the weight of my stare?_

_You’re so close but still a world away_

_What I’m dying to say,_

Akaashi was thankful for the dim lighting masking the blush growing on his cheeks. He shook his head with a smirk as you pointed at him, ignoring the growing ache in his heart. _You have no idea what you do to me,_ he thought.

_Is that I’m crazy for you_

_Touch me once and you’ll know it’s true_

_I never wanted anyone like this_

_It’s all brand new_

He watched as you swayed your body to the music, singing with your eyes squeezed shut. At one point you put a hand over your mouth in embarrassment as you jumbled the lyrics. He shook his head again, laughing to himself. You laughed with him as your gaze softened before you sang the next line. 

_Eye to eye, we need no words at all_

Akaashi smiled back at you, wondering how someone who had been drinking all night managed to look so lovely. 

_Soon we two are standing still in time_

_If you read my mind, you’ll see_

_I’m crazy for you_

The two of you seemed to be in your own little world, despite being on opposite sides of the room. Your face was starting to hurt from smiling, drunk on both alcohol and emotion. Anyone paying attention would have seen the hearts in both of your eyes. 

Everything seemed to fade away from your periphery and all you saw was him. His gaze refused to leave yours as he was convinced that if he looked away for a split second, he would somehow lose you. In a room full of jumbled voices, the silent adoration you shared was deafening.

You felt like you were floating while simultaneously feeling the adrenaline of going downhill on a rollercoaster. Your heart felt like it was going to burst at any given moment, but you have also never felt so at peace. You struggled to comprehend the duality of the serenity and chaos coursing through your veins--and then it hit you.

 _This_ was the grey area. _This_ was the in-between. 

You were falling in love with Akaashi Keiji.

* * *

A week had passed since the party and Akaashi still had yet to confess--the adrenaline from that night slowly vanished, replaced with an irrational anxiety of running out of time.

Ever since he got home that night, Akaashi had been wracking his brain trying to figure out how to properly confess. Being the overthinker he is, he went through every scenario possible in his head, rewording his sentences over and over. The longer he waited, the more discouraged he became. 

Strangely enough, the one who brought him back down to earth whenever he would get too in his head about his feelings was the source of his restlessness itself--you. Somehow you were both his chaos and his calm. 

As the days passed, you noticed that he had become distracted more often than usual.

You two had been studying in the library for hours when you noticed that Akaashi’s mind seemed elsewhere. By now, you had memorized his tells like your favorite book. His knee bobbed up and down under the table, his hair was disheveled from repeatedly running his hands through it, and his eyes glazed over the textbook in front of him, not having turned a single page in the past twenty minutes. You knew he hadn’t gotten anything done since you sat down.

You closed your laptop and waited for him to match your gaze. It wasn’t until you rested your hand on his bobbing knee that he looked up at you and became aware of the amount of tension in his body. You gave him a small but sincere smile, wordlessly asking if he was okay. You rubbed his knee and he immediately relaxed at your touch, relief rushing through him. 

Your timing was always perfect--constantly pulling him out of his overwhelming thoughts as if you could read his mind. 

“Let’s take a break,” you whispered. He placed his hand on top of yours and gave it a squeeze, nodding.

It was funny--the concept of _you_ distracting him from his thoughts _about you_.

The two of you ended up at the mall, people watching from a bench. This had become a favorite pastime for the both of you--picking out random passersby and creating extensive backstories about their lives. It was a way to destress and put your own lives on hold for a bit.

You spotted a couple sitting on a bench far enough away for you to talk about them.

“Those two are secretly pining for each other,” you nodded your head in their direction. 

“Hm. Are they in love?” 

“Oh no, not yet at least,” you speculated.

“And how do you know?” Akaashi mused.

“They’re sitting too far away from each other,” you stated matter-of-factly. Akaashi silently noted the distance between the two of you and compared. 

“Huh. Okay,” He scooted closer, not being discreet at all. You held back a smile and refused to meet his gaze. 

“How else can you tell?” He watched you intently, a smile tugging at the corners of his mouth.

“He’s giving her too much eye contact. He’s not nervous enough.” Akaashi scrunched his eyebrows in thought. _Noted,_ he thought. Just as you looked up at him, he swiftly turned his head the opposite way with a small smirk on his face.

Doing your best to ignore him, you asked a question this time.

“Who do you think will make the first move?”

“Oh, definitely the guy,” Akaashi stated confidently.

“Oh?” 

“It’s in his body language. His body is fully facing her,” Akaashi mimicked his position, now fully facing you with his right arm resting on the top of the bench behind you. You leaned back with your arms crossed, still facing forward to avoid looking at him. You felt his arm fall from the bench to your shoulders, his hand now tracing circles into your shoulder. 

“And what does that mean?” you rolled your eyes, still refusing to face him. Your heart warmed as he mindlessly took one of your hands and started playing with your fingers.

“It _means_..” Akaashi took a deep breath as if he had prepared a full-blown explanation. You raised your eyebrows waiting for him to finish, eyes still on the couple. When he took too long to continue, you turned to face him and silently gasped upon realizing how close his face was to yours.

You felt yourself stop breathing as he hesitated before speaking. He kept his voice low as if he was sharing top-secret information.

“He _really_ wants to kiss her.” It wasn’t until now that you realized the proximity of your faces in this position. His eyes bore into yours, flickering to your lips as if to ask for permission.

“Do you think she’d kiss him back?” you held your breath, your gaze also lowering to his lips.

“I don’t know, you tell me,” he whispered, his lips just barely grazing yours.

You closed your eyes as you slightly tilted your head up, your lips lightly pressing against his, lingering a bit before pulling away. It was short and sweet. You looked down shyly, biting back a smile. 

Akaashi watched you, his eyes low. He didn’t wait all this time for short and sweet. His left hand lifted your chin up as he attached his lips to yours again, kissing you with more passion this time. You held onto his wrist and kissed him back, matching his fervor. 

“Keiji..” you barely managed to let out, as he wouldn’t stop kissing you (not that you were complaining). 

If he initially thought _your_ first name in his mouth was sweet.. The taste of _his_ first name coming from your lips while they were melting into his? _Jesus_. His brain was short-circuiting. 

You groaned upon realizing you were in a public space, but you couldn’t find the willpower to pull away either. All of Akaashi’s inhibitions were out the window. The only thing that mattered right now was you, as you wiped away every lingering trace of doubt, fear, and worry from his mind with every kiss. 

“Keiji!” You laughed, attempting to pull away only for him to grab your chin and pull you back in. 

_One more,_ he thought.

“We’re the,” _one more_ , “stereotypical,” _another_ , “couple,” _another one_ , “making out in the,” _another_ , “middle,” _one more_ , “of a,” _last one_ , “mall,” _for now_. You giggled in between kisses. Akaashi chuckled and got a hold of himself, finally pulling away and resting his forehead on yours.

“Sorry,” he smiled shyly. “I knew I wouldn’t be able to stop.”

You closed your eyes and blushed furiously at this. He pulled back further to get a better look at you with an eyebrow cocked. 

“Couple, huh?” You already began shaking your head. “Wow at least ask me on a date first, you can’t skip important steps like that, F/N.”

“You kissed me first!” you laughed as you pushed him away.

“Did I, though?” 

It took you a second to realize he was right. You were the one to lean into the first kiss. _Ugh._

“Oh my god I’m leaving,” you walked off as you fought the smile on your face, not being able to handle his teasing any longer. He threw his head back laughing and quickly caught up to you. He tugged your hand and pulled you into him as his arm hooked around your shoulders again. You peeked up to catch him grinning ear to ear. He looked down at you, and pressed a kiss on your forehead. Not saying another word, you leaned into his hold and sighed. 

You thought about all of the wordless moments the two of you shared. Akaashi Keiji wasn’t a very talkative person, but he didn’t have to be. All it took was one look, without a single word spoken, and you knew.

This was what falling in love felt like.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> it’s finally done! thank you all for waiting!!! also, your feedback means so much and inspires me to keep writing so thank you all so much <3 (p.s. I love bokuto so so much I felt so bad hurting him but I’ll write something else to make it up to him lmao) also can I just say I love the way the chapter begins with her in awe of the love she saw on tv and then it ends with her finding that exact feeling with akaashi :p full circle hehe


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